Why Situationships Mess You Up

We all are students – bored out of our minds, hormonal, and all touchy-feely; stress could be a factor or it could be a you thing, but regardless, we can all agree that it is normal. Having ‘crushes’ while being in school is a universal experience: whether it’s a full-blown in-love type of crush or a cute peer you see every three days in the halls, it’s normal!

But what if you take a step further, make a move, and it leads to a strange gray area where you two are ‘more than friends’ but less than a committed couple? That is called a situationship, and I’m here to tell you that although it is absolutely thrilling, it will literally drain the blood out of you.

To start, Google states that a situationship is ‘a romantic relationship that is not considered to be formal or established’, and that definition is actually universally accepted, stable, and unchanging (unlike situationships). Take a look at how a group of Springfield’s high school students define it.

Google's definition:
situationship
noun
a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.

Student 1:
A situationship is where two (maybe more) people have a unique yet untangible dynamic/connection. Typically, it is where both parties love each other, but too afraid to progress into a relationship. This is usually due to the fear of destroying a friendship due to rejection, or one party has a crush on the other, but said crush does not reciprocate and merely only being nice.

In my opinion, a situationship should ONLY be a short and brief intermediate stage in a relationship, where they should contemplate upon its circumstances and conditions whether it's worth to love one another.

Pros:
- It gives both parties space and time to think about a relationship.
- If they want a casual and fun relationship instead of a commitment one (sort of like open) this is for them.

Cons:
- One or both of them is bound to get hurt sooner or later (from unmet expectations and disappointments).
- It shows difficulty moving forward. It'll feel like you're stuck in social bind and the longer you stay in a situationship, the more you'll come to hate it AND the person.
- Both parties are putting on poker faces, everyone lies to each other to make them feel better; there isn't any clarity or truth.
- Emotional instability can lead to miscommunication and misunderstandings; everything is hanging on a thread and can break any moment.

Student 2:
In my opinion, situationship means when two people show signs or actions of being in love with each other without the status of a relationship.

I believe the boundaries of a situationship varies with people.

They decide their own boundaries.

Some might decide to act as just friends while others could be touchy feely with each other and STILL not claim that they are in a relationship.

Pros:
- You get to know this person at a deeper level.
- There is a lack of commitment; a minor disturbance will not impact your life as much because you guys are not "official".

Cons:
- This is an excuse to cheat because it is not "official".
- Consistency is not assured.
- There is no closure; one might feel unsafe about the status of the other's feelings because they are not official.

Student 3:
A situationship is when two people act like they're in a relationship and they think of each other as more than friends but they're not official.

The rules of a situationship are that the people have to be somewhat special to each other but also since you're not official it might be permitted to "cheat".

Pro: it feels like you're in a relationship without the commitment or ties.

Con: it feels like both people are not serious so it leaves them being like "what are we" every 2 seconds.

The intention of situationships are to reduce complications within commitment while also doing couple-y things that couples do (e.g holding hands, going on dates, and/or hanging out alone). This can be ideal towards those with commitment issues or people who are simply not ready for strict, focused loyalty – because if you don’t make things exclusive, you’re technically still ‘single’, allowing you to engage in other situationships or take interest in other individuals. Thus, this would be almost ideal for academically focused high school and college students.

Unfortunately, the attempt to reduce complications would just bring in MORE complications. Think again: what could possibly go wrong in a half-relationship where you can freely enter other people’s love lives while you have one yourself? Unless there are clear boundaries set, there is a high chance that one will have more feelings than the other, which is usually the case. This can be messy, because one may be more committed to the situationship while the other just isn’t. Another example is when one of you gets caught liking undesirable pictures on Instagram, leading the other to think that they are ‘not enough’ due to insecurity, or when you see them laughing and being all touchy with somebody else while you thought you guys had something special between yourselves. Simply said, hearts will be broken.

If boundaries aren’t discussed beforehand, issues will arise if the individual says something off-limits or engages in physical touch that the other isn’t comfortable with, leading to further emotional distancing. With more emotional distancing, again, hearts will surely be broken.

Unless you are absolutely clear with both of your boundaries from the start: a little bit of discomfort and sadness are to be prepared for. In short, make it clear what you want, and you should leave once the line is crossed, immediately.